I'm working at home one more day. Since I have a date tonight, I don't want to be gone all day. Tomorrow I'll try to work from my office at Bob's, where I haven't worked in like three weeks.
I had this thought the other day: Once Don directly asks Hap to recruit Bart, instead of the way I have it now where Hap goes straight to Bart and does that, it should go like this: Hap should do everything he can to keep from doing what Don wants. He runs the other way because he already doesn't like the Dreedle idea. But the comedy is that Bart actually asks Hap for advice, and does it in a way that Hap finds himself talking about the advantages of joining Dreedle. Then later, even though he's tried to do nothing to encourage it, when Bart does announce he’s joining Dreedle, Hap gets credit for it. So in summary:
a. Don asks Hap to recruit Bart.
b. Hap doesn't like the idea, and does the opposite.
c. Hap finds himself doing it despite himself.
d. Hap gets credit for doing what he didn’t want to do.
e. In frustration, Hap does to Denny and says let's do the wi-fi thing.
f. That's when Denny has the climactic conversation with Hap, Citizen Kane references and all.
This works much better -- it's funnier, it makes more sense, it clarifies Hap's character more, it forces him to make a harder choice, and it leads directly to the scene 6 where Denny tells Hap the wi-fi thing isn't going to happen.
Thinking for the moment about whether I should just push on from where I am now, or go back and rewrite with this in mind, I think I'm going to go back. Even though it will stall my word count progress, it will make finishing everything easier. And the word count progress is meaningless. The good thing is, I don't have to go back too far. The sequence starts in 10b and in my last work session I only just started writing chapter 12.
The other thing I have to go back and do, I have pretty much decided, is in 10a, remove the stuff about S____ and S____ (called Cate and Suzee) and substitute a new passage in which he recalls the story of his marriage and breakup with Kara. This is something I've known I have to put in somewhere, haven't found a place to do it, and in the last several days realized this is the place for it. However, it isn't necessary to do that before I make these other changes in 10b and forward.
5:50 pm -- I ended up cutting about 4300 words, rewriting the scene with Bart and other material in chapters 10, 11 and 12. I still have the story about his marriage to Kara to write. That will take some concentration.
I had this thought the other day: Once Don directly asks Hap to recruit Bart, instead of the way I have it now where Hap goes straight to Bart and does that, it should go like this: Hap should do everything he can to keep from doing what Don wants. He runs the other way because he already doesn't like the Dreedle idea. But the comedy is that Bart actually asks Hap for advice, and does it in a way that Hap finds himself talking about the advantages of joining Dreedle. Then later, even though he's tried to do nothing to encourage it, when Bart does announce he’s joining Dreedle, Hap gets credit for it. So in summary:
a. Don asks Hap to recruit Bart.
b. Hap doesn't like the idea, and does the opposite.
c. Hap finds himself doing it despite himself.
d. Hap gets credit for doing what he didn’t want to do.
e. In frustration, Hap does to Denny and says let's do the wi-fi thing.
f. That's when Denny has the climactic conversation with Hap, Citizen Kane references and all.
This works much better -- it's funnier, it makes more sense, it clarifies Hap's character more, it forces him to make a harder choice, and it leads directly to the scene 6 where Denny tells Hap the wi-fi thing isn't going to happen.
Thinking for the moment about whether I should just push on from where I am now, or go back and rewrite with this in mind, I think I'm going to go back. Even though it will stall my word count progress, it will make finishing everything easier. And the word count progress is meaningless. The good thing is, I don't have to go back too far. The sequence starts in 10b and in my last work session I only just started writing chapter 12.
The other thing I have to go back and do, I have pretty much decided, is in 10a, remove the stuff about S____ and S____ (called Cate and Suzee) and substitute a new passage in which he recalls the story of his marriage and breakup with Kara. This is something I've known I have to put in somewhere, haven't found a place to do it, and in the last several days realized this is the place for it. However, it isn't necessary to do that before I make these other changes in 10b and forward.
5:50 pm -- I ended up cutting about 4300 words, rewriting the scene with Bart and other material in chapters 10, 11 and 12. I still have the story about his marriage to Kara to write. That will take some concentration.